moments of imbalance

As hard as I may try to juggle all of life’s building blocks, there are times, quite often, when my neatly stacked towers topple, often creating a domino effect.

Balance is something I struggle with, something I think many moms struggle with. And what’s funny is I only realize it in hindsight, after waves of life’s chaos roll through. In the moment, I try my best to handle as much as I can as quickly as possible, and only later recognize that big things, important things, fell through the cracks.

I’m not different from most women: I’m pulled in a million directions at once. I’m always tired. I’m frazzled at times. I’m the one who is supposed to have all the answers. I don’t connect with my friends as much as I want. I neglect my own needs. I’m not the super hero mom or wife I always intended to be.

And as soon as I give something the attention it needs or deserves, another area of my life plummets from neglect. It’s a never-ending spin cycle that I can’t seem to escape. I know this is quite common, a widespread experience among many women. But that doesn’t mean I like it and it doesn’t mean I will not strive for more.

It saddens me to know there are people out there who prey upon others’ moments of weakness, moments of imbalance. They seek opportunities to selfishly push their own agendas with blatant disregard of the destruction they may cause. It reminds me of how much we live in a “me” world, where all that matters is what affects you personally, where others aren’t valued, where the idea of family isn’t cherished, where there is no concept of responsibility.

I can only hope to raise my sons in an environment that teaches right from wrong, emphasizes consequences and accountability and encourages compassion and thoughtfulness.