In case you missed it, read Nursing, Fertility and Baby #3 to see how Baby #3 surprised us. Even though this baby was not planned like our first two, don’t misunderstand me that this baby doesn’t hold just as strong a place in our hearts…already.
Two days before my first scheduled OB appointment for Baby #3, I noticed some very light spotting as well as cramping. Immediately, I started breathing very fast and my mind went to the worst possible scenario. After a quick call to the nurse, my OB wanted me to go ahead and come in for a visit. I raced to the office, attempting to take slow, deep breaths. During the visit, I saw Baby #3 on the ultrasound (very, very tiny) and even glimpsed the heartbeat–always a good sign. The OB said everything looked normal, but that I was still very early (5 to 6 weeks). They took my bloodwork and scheduled a follow-up appointment two weeks later, when they would be able to get a better measurement to see how far along I was. Two days after this first appointment, the nurse called to say my progesterone level was low, which made a lot of sense and could have explained the spotting. As soon as I started the progesterone pills, my spotting stopped immediately.
But just because the spotting stopped, doesn’t mean the mama worry stopped. Having never spotted before, I was extremely nervous about this baby. My heart was clenched with fear and worry, and even though I wanted to let go, I couldn’t. The fear of the unknown is debilitating.
A few days after I started the progesterone pills, I was at church on Sunday morning singing praise songs and realized that I was living in this tense cloud of fear. Quiet tears started streaming down my face in the dark sanctuary, and at that moment, choked up and unable to sing, God placed his hand on my womb and whispered in my ear that this baby is His, no matter what happens.
Right then, I gave my baby and my struggle over to Him. The wave of relief and freedom that washed over me was impalpable. After much internal struggle, I had cast my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7) and he had calmed my anxious heart. I did not know if my baby would be OK in human terms, but I trusted that God was in control, not me.