What Pushed Me Over the Edge to Quit Social Media

Here’s why I quit social media after years of attempting to self-regulate and searching for the silver lining in it all.

For the past couple years, I’ve struggled with the the best way to approach social media. As a follower of Christ, a wife and a mom, I’ve tried many ways to corral the beast of distraction that takes over when I let my guard down.

I’ve turned off all notifications for social media, set daily time limits on my phone, temporarily deleted apps, proclaimed personal principles to keep myself in check, gone weeks without posting, unfollowed those whom I didn’t find edifying and more.

You name it; I’ve tried it.

I’ve made rules such as Bible before phone, which lasted for months before my coffee habit changed and I was twiddling my thumbs waiting on my stovetop esspresso maker to brew. As if on cue, my hands unknowingly reached for my phone to do a quick skim of Facebook or Instagram, which continued on after my coffee was ready and into half of the early morning time I had set aside to read and study my Bible. Once I realized how much time I had wasted scrolling, I became frustrated with myself, but fell into the same cycle a day or two later when I repeated the process.

I’ve read books and articles about the impact of social media on our lives and the strategies developers use to keep us on these platforms. And yet, that head knowledge did nothing to stop my somewhat-unconscious tendency to reach for my phone in a lull of downtime.

But this spring, something shifted.

Quitting is a Process

I realized all my self-imposed rules and time limits and temporary deletes weren’t working. Social media had a magnetic pull on me, despite my efforts to distance myself. Even after days or weeks of minimal usage, the pull it had on me was astounding.

But something changed this spring, as my oldest child who is 12 years old pleadingly requested a phone, arguing that all his friends supposedly had one. Of course, my husband and I had already determined that we wouldn’t get our kids a phone with access to social media until age 16 (now, we’re even thinking 18). But this relentless request really shook me inside, haunting and humbling me this spring. I thought:

What kind of mom am I if I ban my child from social media while perusing too much myself?

As someone who processes best through writing, I took it upon myself to jot down my thoughts on social media as I wrestled with how to handle the issue in my life.

I pondered and brainstormed and journaled:

• What makes social media so hard to give up
• The benefits of social media
• The consequences of social media
• The benefits of giving up social media
• What I’d rather be doing with my time than scrolling social media

After journaling two pages of pros and cons surrounding social media, I came to my conclusion quite easily and assuredly.

Something had to change.

I could no longer justify that time spent daydreaming and getting inspired on Instagram. I could no longer defend those minutes that ticked by as I caught up on life updates of my Facebook friends. This is when I realized that—despite all the benefits of social media—it was time for me to step away.

I ended my notes and finalized my decision with a written prayer—not because I’m more of a saint than anyone else, but precisely because I’m not. I’m reminded of the Apostle Paul when he declares in Romans 7: “For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” And so my prayer was a petition for God to give me steadfastness in my earthly and spiritual disciplines, not for the sake of strictness or control, but for the sake of freedom in Christ.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

Galatians 5:23 ESV

Taking the First Step to Quit Social Media

Ironically, my first step toward freedom was announcing on social media that I was giving up social media. Because my mind has been trained to think of social media as the go-to place for news and updates on everything and everyone.

The problem runs deep.

BUT I’m happy to report that after my brief announcement, I didn’t go back to check any responses to my proclamation. And that’s a pretty big step in the right direction for me.

It’s hard to believe that I’ve been on Facebook 20 years, since 2004, when you could only access it with a college email. Of course, the platform was much different then, not as easy to get lost down the rabbit hole.

When it comes to Instagram, I remember making my first post when my oldest was a baby, so early 2012.

Thankfully, I’ve never gotten into Twitter, Snapchat or TikTok. The lures of Facebook and Instagram have proven to be enough distraction by themselves.

Why I Quit Social Media

When it comes down to why I felt the need to quit social media, I realized it was bigger than the recent awareness that my 12 year old wanted a smart phone and I needed to set a good example.

In fact, it was bigger than both of us. I was finally able to admit:

Social media isn’t my God-given calling.

That’s not to say God hasn’t given this calling to other Christians, but for me, it’s not where He wants me.

In fact, five years ago, a Bible study teacher asked a small group of ladies about our thoughts on the influence and usage of social media among Christian women. If memory serves me correctly, I was the only one defending the use of social media, politely arguing that Christians need to be in social spaces “where all the people are” to yield influence and be the light.

And while that thought process can still be true for many Christians, it’s simply no longer true for me. Quite honestly, it was never true for me—no matter how true I wanted it to be—but I wasn’t ready to hear that five years ago.

Yes, I have the Christian liberty of participating in social media, but the echoes of 1 Cor. 6:12 come to mind for me often: “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’—but not everything is good for you. And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything.”

Sayonara Social Media

Goodbye Facebook. Goodbye Instagram.

Hello again to writing and blogging and crafting a newsletter.

Welcome downtime, reflection, rest, solitude and meditation.

My heart has longed for change for so long.

What Next?

Through trial and error, I’ve learned that when correcting any bad habit, it’s best to replace it with something good instead of relying on your own willpower not to fall back into the habit.

When it comes to how I plan to use my extra time, I’ve got a whole list of ideas I’ll eventually share. But for now, here are a few of my plans:

Embrace the quiet

This means to enjoy the time without noise, in car line, in the waiting room, before the meeting, before the coffee brews, before the next thing on the to-do list. Instead of filling my mind with noise in the in-betweens, I’m working to reset it to enjoy the quiet. Sometimes, this has spurred deep thoughts and ponderings, and other times, it’s made me keenly aware of everything going on around me in creation. Either way, I am less in tune with the online and more in tune with there here and now.

Refocus on blogging

I began blogging in 2010 as a means of creative expression. Over the years, I’ve had time to blog more and time to blog less, depending on my season of life. But even in those busy seasons with less time to blog, I still found myself spending plenty of time on social media, ironically. So this is my call back to blogging when I am inspired or have the time.

Send a personal newsletter

So many times the past few months, I wanted to share on social media, be it a life lesson, Christian resource or helpful tip. But most of the time, I held off, not wanting to spam the online world with my thoughts and opinions. But a personal newsletter seems like the perfect medium to share such items without me going down the rabbit hole or leading others down the rabbit hole.

A personal newsletter allows me to be bolder in my viewpoints and opinions, and if it’s too much for people, they can simply unsubscribe. It’s also another great creative outlet for me that is a safe space on many fronts.

Are you toying with the idea to quit social media? I’d love to hear from you!

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On May 1, 2024, I took the plunge to delete social media. In response, I'm resurrecting my personal newsletter, which addresses life without social media, promotes personal and spiritual well-being, and recommends media that matters (books, podcasts, music and more).

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