it seems so surreal

I’ve been yearning for this moment since last fall, and I finally got the hubby on board with the idea a couple months ago. According to three brands of pregnancy tests that I took throughout the day yesterday, April 19, I’m pregnant!

I knew there was a possibility, and anxious me brought a test with me to work to use between meetings. I was really hoping to find out I was pregnant (only 10 DPO) on my three-year wedding anniversary, April 19. I couldn’t think of a better gift to commemorate the occasion.

The first test mid morning showed a faint pink line. Of course, I googled that to find that if you see any line at all, regardless of how faint, you’re probably pregnant. Then I took a different test after lunch, which showed a faint blue line. So when I got home last night, I pulled out my ClearBlue digital test, and got the confirmation of ‘pregnant.’ I snapped a quick picture of my test to keep as a souvenir.

Am I excited? Absolutely. When I saw the first faint line, I felt a big smile stretch across my face, but I willed myself to stay calm until I could take other tests to confirm it. I was also overwhelmed with relief. I wasn’t sure how long it would take to get pregnant, especially after reading so many blogs about infertility. I can’t imagine how that feels. I didn’t get pregnant the first month, and I know how disappointed I was. My heart truly goes out to those who are struggling to conceive.

Even now, despite all the joy I feel in my heart, I’m a bit cautious. There’s that thought lingering in the back of my mind as to what can go wrong during the first trimester. Yesterday, I was praying like crazy for the safety and health of this baby. God is calming me, and reassuing me that he’s there every step of the way.

Since yesterday was our anniversary, I decided this news would be my gift to James. I was just about to wrap up the digital test with ‘pregnant’ on it, when it went blank. I should have assumed this would happen. After all, it can’t stay on for hours. But I was a little afraid of wrapping up the test with the faint line, because I was afraid that would confuse James. But with no other options, I wrapped up this test and waited the 20 minutes it took James to get home from the gym, keeping myself busy cooking dinner.

As soon as James got home, I made him unwrap my gift, and he did have a bit of a puzzled look on his face, until I showed him the picture I took of the positive test. I think he was super surprised because his eyes got wide and I could tell he was slowly taking it all in. Next, he did the best thing he could have done in that moment as I was sitting there staring at him expectantly. He kissed me.

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