friday’s letters…from james michael

Dear Uncle Brad, I’m trying my hardest to help you find a nice girl. Mama puts this bib on me at least once a week and says that one day her efforts will pay off. She tells me that once you find a nice girl, then I’ll have someone new to flirt with. I told her I’m just like my daddy and flirt with everyone, whether I mean to or not, it’s just my nature.

Dear carseat sunshade, you were blocking my view when I was riding in mama’s car, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and show you who’s boss. Mama has since removed you from my carseat, so I’m glad she got the point. Mama says I am rough and tough and all boy, and have learned how to perfect the whodunit look.

Dear Bloggie, I’ve always been kind of confused by you, especially since Mama shoves you in front of me all the time. You’re not food, you’re not my paci and you really aren’t all that interesting. But I haven’t seen you at all this past week. Mama says that you’re gone for good, because when I face-planted in the baby pool at Grandma’s, you were strapped around Mama’s wrist. She said that when it comes down to me or the Bloggie, I win. I could have told her that; I always win.

Dear mandoline, you are are so funny looking. When I’m playing sous chef in my high chair while Mama cooks, I see her using you to slice her veggies. But one day, I heard her yelp, saw all this red stuff and she said she had sliced her knuckle. After putting on a bandaid, she put you up in the highest shelf of the cabinet, because I think she was worried I might have red stuff if I get near you. Mama is so funny because I can’t even walk yet, but she says she’s not taking any chances with me and baby proofing starts this weekend.

Dear onesie, I’m not sure what’s happened to you these past few days, but Mama has started dressing me in T-shirts and shorts. But she gets this weird look on her face when she does this, almost as if she doesn’t think I look good. I told her, Mama, I look cute in everything I wear. She told me it’s not that, but that these clothes make me look more like a toddler than a baby, which gives her heart palpatations.

Dear Cousin Eden, I’m so glad I got to see you last weekend. You are so sweet, even though sometimes we both want the same toy. Grandma was smart though, and bought two of all the musical toys. I was glad you got to spend some time cuddling with my daddy since he hardly ever gets to cuddle with me because I’m too squirmy. I can’t wait until we see each other later this year. Once we’re walking, we’re going to team up and make Grandma crazy running around her house non-stop.