and the fog lifts

mama beau kiss

I am just now beginning to emerge from the fog and haze that have covered the past 5 months. Between two bouts of RSV and 5 back-to-back ear infections, little Beau got ear tubes last week, and I’m hoping that means all his frequent night wakings and non-stop pediatrician visits will come to an end soon. Sunlight is beginning to cut through the fog and we are on the brink of hope and good health.

Though it has changed drastically over the years, I have really missed this space; it’s an outlet for me as well as a hobby. I’ve kept up with reading other blogs, because what else is a mama to do when she’s nursing all the time? I’ve thought many times about posting, had new ideas sprout up here and there, but ultimately it comes down to priorities.

mama and boys

Raising two young kids takes up a lot of my time right now, and add a baby who is sick more often than not, and it doesn’t leave a whole lot of free time. If I do get lucky and both boys are napping at the same time, I’ve tried to put my time with God first and focus on my women’s bible study. It’s hard, because yes, sometimes I’d rather skip that and go blog because I need the outlet. Or that’s what my mind tells me. But really, I need Him first, and then everything else will fall into place (Matthew 6:33). It’s not always easy choosing Him first, and admittedly, I fail at it many times each day. But when it comes to blogging, I won’t let myself blog until I spend time with Him first. And seeing as how this is my first post in a month, obviously I haven’t had much time to blog after sticking to my priorities. And that’s ok.

One day I’ll look back on this season of my life with young kids who constantly need their mama. And you know what I’ll never wish? That I had spent more time blogging and less time with my kids or with God. This time, filled with sleep deprivation, constant sickness and a messy house, will undoubtedly be one of the best, most influential times of my life. I’ll continue to make mistakes, wishing I would have been more patient, used a kinder voice, set a better example and taken the time to teach more often. But I am not a perfect person, wife, mother or servant. I am human. It is not an excuse; it’s a fact.

brothers in laps

Now that this haze that has consumed our lives lately is lifting, hope is shining down in rays upon our family. With the spring comes new life and hope, and I am starting to breathe in this fresh, renewing air, despite it’s saturation with pollen. I am ready for us to live life, instead of simply react to it. I’m ready to plant fresh flowers, to finish house projects, to train up my children (Proverbs 22:6), to serve others using my gifts. I’m ready to be proactive.

I hope to have more time for this space, assuming Beau starts sleeping better and continues to feel well. My recipe posts will likely be few and far between, even though I still cook all the time. Life right now is all about family, and this space will continue to reflect that. And though I haven’t consistently delved into my spiritual side and learnings, God is really drawing me near, and that will naturally spill over into the blog. Through sickness and health, I am reminded just how blessed I am.

jm kissing beau